By George Lopez
From the most celebrated and loved comedians and actors of our time, George Lopez, comes this hilarious, touching, and infrequently wacky chronicle of lifestyles after fifty.
George Lopez simply hit the half-century mark and the reset button on his existence. Newly unmarried and able to embody lifestyles, George was once excited to show fifty. it might be a welcome new section in his lifestyles, an opportunity to assert so long to a decade that integrated a kidney transplant and a divorce. but if he appeared round a room choked with his adolescence associates, all accumulated to have fun his birthday, many now bald or obese, it without warning hit him that he used to be old.
What occurred? And extra importantly, what was once he going to do approximately it? George learns the not easy method that once you switch 50, every thing adjustments. You pull a muscle on your sleep. You keep away from mirrors in any respect bills, and consistently, always put on a gown. you might want to time table an appointment to have intercourse. you need to dye your hair and purchase a tub with a door.
As George learns to include existence after fifty, he invitations readers into his international, sharing the ups and downs of having older—from his dating with a far more youthful lady to a strange consultation with a puppy psychic, to a visit behind-the-scenes at his tumultuous years at Lopez Tonight, to an intimate examine his sacred floor, the golfing course—and, for the 1st time, he unearths in relocating element, the tale of the conflict for his existence opposed to kidney sickness.
I’m no longer Gonna Lie will make you laugh at your self, cry about your self, and consider turning fifty in a fashion you by no means would’ve imagined—through the eyes of George Lopez.
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Extra resources for I'm Not Gonna Lie: and Other Lies You Tell When You Turn 50
What measurement? ” “Thirty-four,” I squeaked. She coughed. She cleared her throat. “That’s what I thought,” she stated. She caught her hand into a few extra denims putting from the rack, pulled out one other pair, and put that on best of the opposite . “Would you're keen on to attempt those on? ” “I may, definite, certainly, totally. ” “Right this manner. ” I her into the dressing room region. She chanced on a vacant room, driven the saloon door open, and positioned my denims at the bench opposed to the a ways wall. “Let me know the way those fit,” she acknowledged, and winked. “I will, thanks,” I acknowledged. She winked back, left the dressing room, and closed the door at the back of her. “Thirty-four,” I acknowledged softly, as I pulled off my previous denims and grabbed one of many denims from the bench. “Come on, thirty-four. ” the second one I pulled the denims prior my knees I knew they have been by no means gonna healthy. I pulled tougher. “Fit, you sizzling jeans,” I stated. “Fit. ” I SUCKED IN MY intestine so far as i'll AND YANKED THE BUTTON towards THE BUTTON- gap. “YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON! ” I sucked in my intestine so far as i may and yanked the button towards the buttonhole. “You can do it. Come on! ” I sucked my intestine in much more and pulled either side of the denims with all my may well. I gritted my the teeth. I puffed out my cheeks. I inhaled and exhaled and grunted like i used to be a weight lifter. I couldn’t get the denims on. yet I refused to renounce. “You are gonna do this,” I acknowledged. I swept the opposite denims off the bench and lay down on it. I drew in my abdominal and taken the button towards the buttonhole. I woofed. I groaned. I moaned. The button sneaked towards the buttonhole. nearer. nearer. I’m gonna do that. inches away. An inch and a part. An inch— I misplaced my grip. The waist of the pants flew out of my fingers. “Son of a complain! ” “Are you okay in there? ” Brianna. I sat up at the bench. “Yes! I’m positive. i like those denims a lot, I misplaced keep watch over. ‘Son of a complain, are those denims scorching! ’ That’s what I stated. ” “I advised you,” her voice sang over the saloon door of the dressing room. “Yes, you probably did. You have been right,” I acknowledged. “I’m gonna attempt on one other pair. ” “Great. I’ll be correct out right here. ” I edged backpedal at the bench and wriggled out of the denims. I picked up one other pair. “What am I gonna do? ” I stated. “These are by no means gonna healthy. ” I sighed, after which anything at the label stuck my eye. a host. Thirty-six. “Nice,” I acknowledged. Brianna had slipped me a thirty-six whilst I wasn’t having a look. She didn’t think i may healthy right into a thirty-four. She knew that used to be the quantity I had in my head, the quantity I got here in with, my want quantity. after which it hit me. sizzling, attractive Brianna with the smoky eyes quite beloved me. all of it got here speeding again, and there i used to be in that slow-motion romantic-comedy montage that typically stars Jennifer Lopez and a few scorching man in his twenties. yet rather than J-Lo it was once me and Brianna. Brunch. Mimosas. using up the coast. Slow-dancing at the bench. Satin sheets and incense. Trash that thirty-four. supply me that thirty-six and let’s get them on and get it on. I lay go into reverse at the bench and wriggled the thirty-sixes up my legs, previous my knees, as much as my waist, lifted my butt, and— They didn’t healthy.