I Am America (And So Can You!)

By Stephen Colbert

I'm the United States (AND SO CAN YOU!) is Stephen Colbert's try and wedge his mind among hardback covers. In undeniable conversational language, let alone the occasional grunt and/or whistle, Stephen explains his tackle the main urgent issues of our tradition: religion, family members, Politics...Hygiene.

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The Hollywood time table is so insidious and corrosive that I thought of no longer devoting a bankruptcy to it, simply to be secure. i used to be going to fold it into the bankruptcy at the gays or the bankruptcy at the homosexual communists. [Note to Ed. —if we minimize “Hunting and Mounting the yankee Commusexual,” I stroll. ] * * * That’s correct. each side are darkish. there's one other darkish aspect to Hollywood. It’s not only the shattered desires, or the inexpensive porn, or the reasonably priced porn. There’s anything a lot worse. HOLLYWOOD LIBERALS That shining urban that merely cares approximately funds has an underbelly that merely cares approximately saving the area. It’s getting so the US can’t forget about the tiniest humanitarian predicament with no a few colossal superstar happening entry Hollywood to whinge approximately it. i assume the movie Academy mails out a puppy reason with each Oscar nomination, simply because no faster will we tell a celeb that we adore him/her than they’re up on a few soapbox. yet no longer a he/she! you recognize who I’m conversing approximately: THE 4 HORSEMEN OF THE APOCA-LEFT those 4 are continuously whining approximately injustice, chaining themselves to redwoods, bad-mouthing our president, and tormenting us with their portrayals of the proper but inconceivable fatherland woman. someplace alongside the road, those A-list A-holes stressed “box place of work” with “running for workplace. ” hello Celebrities! simply because 20 million humans went to work out your motion picture, that doesn’t suggest 20 million humans care approximately your critiques! Your task is to distract us from the horrors of the area, to not name our cognizance to them! We simply are looking to be entertained. we need you to make us snicker, or cry, or fear if cheerleaders from such diversified backgrounds can ever bridge their alterations. That’s it. they could! and also you understand what? lower it out with the fundraisers already. Who’s getting all that money? Refugees? Rain forests? Harp seals? If a Harp seal wishes cash that badly, it may do what I do. I carry a bit fundraiser each day. It’s referred to as Going to paintings. with out it, I’d be a charity case. possibly they need to supply it a shot. payment the wish ads—there’s lots of them available in the market. And don’t provide me “Harp seals can’t continue to exist in an workplace habitat,” simply because that excuse doesn’t carry water anymore, thanks greatly, american citizens with Disabilities Act. Air Bud? I blame identify IX You Hollywood liberal elites have to notice that you simply wouldn’t be recognized in any respect if it weren’t for heart the USA. So cease attempting to use your interesting portrayals of Marie Antoinette to show crimson states blue. you've a decision. You don’t need to help America—it’s a loose nation. but when you’re unlikely to face up for This Land of Ours, not less than be ate up by way of a few internal demons. snicker glue. Make a intercourse tape. Spiral uncontrolled in a headline-grabbing method till you’re wandering toothless via Malibu backyards or telling Larry King that you just communicate in a musical birdlike tongue to the alien beings that stopover at you at evening within the kind of vibrating bands of colour in your bed room wall. this can be very pleasing whereas additionally being a cautionary story for our youngsters.

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