I'm Not Gonna Lie: and Other Lies You Tell When You Turn 50

By George Lopez

From the most celebrated and loved comedians and actors of our time, George Lopez, comes this hilarious, touching, and infrequently wacky chronicle of lifestyles after fifty.
George Lopez simply hit the half-century mark and the reset button on his existence. Newly unmarried and able to embody lifestyles, George was once excited to show fifty. it might be a welcome new section in his lifestyles, an opportunity to assert so long to a decade that integrated a kidney transplant and a divorce. but if he appeared round a room choked with his adolescence associates, all accumulated to have fun his birthday, many now bald or obese, it without warning hit him that he used to be old.
What occurred? And extra importantly, what was once he going to do approximately it? George learns the not easy method that once you switch 50, every thing adjustments. You pull a muscle on your sleep. You keep away from mirrors in any respect bills, and consistently, always put on a gown. you might want to time table an appointment to have intercourse. you need to dye your hair and purchase a tub with a door.
As George learns to include existence after fifty, he invitations readers into his international, sharing the ups and downs of having older—from his dating with a far more youthful lady to a strange consultation with a puppy psychic, to a visit behind-the-scenes at his tumultuous years at Lopez Tonight, to an intimate examine his sacred floor, the golfing course—and, for the 1st time, he unearths in relocating element, the tale of the conflict for his existence opposed to kidney sickness.  
I’m no longer Gonna Lie  will make you laugh at your self, cry about your self, and consider turning fifty in a fashion you by no means would’ve imagined—through the eyes of George Lopez.

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Billy Bunter The Bold (Billy Bunter, Book 14)

By Frank Richards

The gravity of a court docket of legislations was once now not very conspicuous – other than within the fats face of the prisoner on the bar. Billy Bunter was once very critical. yet there has been absolutely a component of hilarity within the “public”, as though they seemed the trial of W. G. Bunter quite as a cheerful source on a wet afternoon, than as a solemn, judicial proceeding.

“On the ball, Johnny!” referred to as out numerous voices.

“Well, glance right here ---!” begun Johnny Bull.

“I upward thrust on some degree of order!” stated Peter Todd. “First of all ---.”

“Shut up, Toddy! Your flip comes subsequent, if you’ve bought something to assert for that fats, foozling scrounger.”

“First of all ---!” repeated Peter, firmly.

“Order! take a seat, Toddy.”

“First of all,” roared Peter, “you need to ask the prisoner even if he pleads responsible or no longer guilty.”

“Oh, through gum, so that you do!” stated Bob. “I forgot that bit! Prisoner on the bar ---.”

“Oh, fairly, Cherry ---.”

“Do you plead responsible or now not guilty?”


“Ha, ha, ha!”

“Silence in courtroom. The prisoner on the bar will resolution, or he'll be booted! Are you to blame or now not guilty?”

“Yes --- I suggest no!” gasped Bunter. “I ---I ain’t in charge of whatever! I by no means went into the examine in any respect, and not touched whatever whereas i used to be there ---.”

Bunter is on trial within the get rid of. His offence, tuck-raiding. no longer very extraordinary maybe, yet in this party the well-known 5 had invited no much less a personage than George Wingate to tea in research no 1.

The negative puppy, as Skinner playfully positioned it, needed to depart with not anything.

“His Lordship,” pass judgement on Mauleverer, sentences Bunter to Coventry. The sentence is to stay in strength until eventually Bunter mends his methods. regardless of his top efforts, this feels like it might probably good be a life-sentence.

As an act of revenge, now we have the “Bunter transferring the plank crossing the circulate routine,” with which we're all common. Bunter falls in move, catches a chilly, & is distributed to the varsity medical institution.

Mauly, sympathising with the sneezy owl, has a kindly gesture to an invalid backfire on him after a in most cases Bunterish reaction.

Amendment proving very unlikely, Bunter motels to trickery. Skinner returns to Greyfriars cap-less and suffers the scorn of the get rid of for having run clear of Ponsonby & Co, following a Highcliff ragging. Later, Bunter is saw carrying a black eye. His tale, that he had avenged the dignity of Greyfriars by way of tackling Ponsonby, and retrieving the cap doesn't provoke Skinner, however it is going down good with the remainder of the get rid of. As a gift for his pluck, Bunter is allow of Coventry.

Unfortunately, Bunter’s black eye has to come back lower than the scrutiny of Mr Quelch’s gimlet eye.

Sudden disappearance of black eye!

Fortunately, an previous buddy is because of stopover at Mr. Quelch. Professor Pawson; as absent-minded a guy as ever used to be. the unlucky professor’s mishap proves to be Bunter’s salvation. used to be there, hidden deep less than Billy Bunter’s layers of fats, a few lingering spot of real British pluck” it sounds as if so!

Actually, this is often, generally, an unique tale. definitely there are parts that experience seemed within the Magnet, yet in general this can be new stuff.

Courtfield County Council quite should hire a lifeguard to patrol the neighborhood streams & rivers. And, concreting that plank bridge in position rather wouldn’t be a nasty thought!

Apart from front conceal, Mr MacDonald supplied six illustrations for this tale, in all likelihood his such a lot ever for one publication?

As one may perhaps anticipate, this one reads good, and there are a number of memorable moments; together with a sort trial, & Bunter in sanny. because the post-war novels g, this is often good as much as standard.

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The Pirates! In an Adventure with Moby Dick

By Gideon Defoe

It's come to my realization that the previous girl's a little prior her top. and that i can rarely continue my acceptance as a fear of the excessive seas with bits falling off the boat for all time, am i able to? The Pirate Captain is in hassle. wanting to appease his group with a ship that has a functioning mast, fewer holes and cannons that really fireplace, he splashes out at the fancy new gorgeous Emma, spending six thousand doubloons he doesn't have. discovering themselves in debt to the gorgeous yet lethal Cutlass Liz - or the Butcher of Barbados, as she's in a different way identified - the pirates have to bring up a few cash speedy. In a determined race opposed to time, our heroes embark on an event that may take them from the beaches of Nantucket to the brilliant lighting of Las Vegas, to the ends of the earth looking for a legendary white whale, or even, probably, into the darkish depths of insanity. yet with a bit of luck they'll be domestic in time for tea.

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The Mating Season

By P.G. Wodehouse

Fans of P. G. Wodehouse's comedian genius are legion, and their devotion to his masterful command of the hilarity borders on an obsession.

The Mating Season is a time of affection, unsuitable identification, and mishap for Bertie, Gussie Fink-Nottle and different visitors staying at Deverill Hall-luckily there is unflappable Jeeves to set issues correct.

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On Beyond Zebra! (Classic Seuss)

By Dr. Seuss

For those who imagine the alphabet stops with Z, you're flawed. So incorrect. depart it to Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell (with a bit support from Dr. Seuss) to create a wholly new alphabet beginning with Z! This rhyming photo ebook introduces twenty new letters and the creatures that you could spell with them. detect (and spell) such splendidly Seussian creations because the Yuzz-a-ma-Tuzz and the excessive Gargel-orum. Readers old and young should be laughing from commencing to finish . . . or may still we are saying, from Yuzz to hello!

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The End (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 13)

By Lemony Snicket

Like an off-key violin live performance, the Roman Empire, or foodstuff poisoning, all issues needs to come to an finish. fortunately, this incorporates a sequence of unlucky occasions by means of Lemony Snicket. The 13th and ultimate installment within the groundbreaking sequence will solution readers′ such a lot burning questions: Will count number Olaf be successful? Will the Baudelaires live to tell the tale? Will the sequence finish fortunately? If there′s not anything available in the market, what was once that noise?

nevertheless, why hassle your self with unlucky resolutions? keep away from the 13th and ultimate ebook of Lemony Snicket′s foreign bestselling sequence and you′ll by no means need to recognize what happens.

a long time 10+

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Redshirts: A Novel with Three Codas

By John Scalzi

Ensign Andrew Dahl has simply been assigned to the common Union Capital send Intrepid, flagship of the common Union because the yr 2456. it is a status posting, with the opportunity to serve on "Away Missions" along the starship's well-known senior officers.

Life could not be better...until Andrew starts to achieve that 1) each Away venture comprises a deadly war of words with alien forces, 2) the ship's senior officials constantly live on those confrontations, and three) unfortunately, a minimum of one low-ranking staff member is consistently killed. Unsurprisingly, the savvier workforce contributors under decks stay away from Away Missions in any respect expenditures.

Then Andrew stumbles on info that transforms his and his colleagues' realizing of what the starship Intrepid particularly is...and deals them a loopy, high-risk likelihood to avoid wasting their very own lives.
Redshirts through John Scalzi is the winner of the 2013 Hugo Award for most sensible Novel.

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The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass

By Bill Maher

From the New York Times bestselling writer and host of HBO’s actual Time, invoice Maher’s most up-to-date choice of political riffs and savagely humorous feedback for holding sanity in an insane global.

New Rule: the following Republican conference has to be held in an enormous closet. a week there’s a brand new homosexual Republican outed. i've got a sense that “big tent” they’re regularly conversing approximately is of their pants. there are such a lot of Republicans within the closet, their image shouldn’t be an elephant; it may be a moth.

New Rule: If considered one of your information organization’s headlines is ready who obtained kicked off Dancing with the Stars final evening, you’re not a information association. type of like, if you happen to have been on Dancing with the Stars final evening, you’re now not a celeb.

Media, star, Democrats, Republicans, faith, teenagers, marine existence, electronics, that couple making out within the subsequent booth—when it involves lighting fixtures up his goals, invoice Maher is an equal-opportunity destroyer. The New New Rules deals Maher’s new and best-loved observations in regards to the international round us, besides a few modest information for its development. simply because wouldn’t lifestyles be a bit larger if the interior of the workplace microwave didn’t seem like a Jackson Pollock portray, or if fathers stopped signing up their nine-year-olds to win loose looking journeys? Scathingly humorous and relentlessly unafraid of delicate themes, Maher’s hilarious model of realism is extra welcome and precious than ever. So relax, learn on, and revel in. you'll no longer accept as true with all his perspectives, yet one thing’s for sure: If you’re listening, you’re giggling.

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Parnassus on Wheels

By Christopher Morley

Parnassus on Wheels is a singular by way of Christopher Morley, released in 1917. The Parnassus of the name refers back to the mountain that used to be the house of the Muses in Greek mythology. within the tale, Roger Mifflin sells his touring bookstore to Helen McGill, who tires of taking care of Andrew, her in poor health brother. Christopher Morley later endured the tale of Roger Mifflin in his 1919 novel The Haunted Bookshop.

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Les ch'tits hommes libres (Les annales du Dique-monde, Tome 30)

By Terry Pratchett

Ce can pay, on l'appelle le Causse : une succession de collines vertes peuplées de moutons. C'est là que vit Tiphaine Patraque, neuf ans, fille d'une longue lignée de bergers. Elle a décidé qu'elle deviendrait sorcière.
Les épreuves ne lui manqueront pas : un monstre dans los angeles rivière, un cavalier sans tête sur le chemin du village… et los angeles disparition de son petit frère.
Armée d'une poêle à frire, du livre de magie de sa même (Les maladies du mouton) et d'une détermination farouche, elle half affronter l. a. reine des fées.
Seule ? Non. Miyards ! Avec le concours des Nac mac Feegle, les ch'tits hommes libres à los angeles peau bleue, voleurs, bagarreurs, ivrognes et belliqueux.
Ni rwa ! Ni rinne ! Ni djeus ! Ni maets ! Fini de s'faire avwar !

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